How To Win Friends
Dale Carnegieís book How to Win Friends and Influence People gives methods of
instruction and examples as to how to triumph in the social world. It includes
chapters on how to handle people, how to make people like you, how to win people
to your way of thinking, and how to be a leader. The book begins with a preface
of suggestions on how to get the most of the book. These include reviewing it
periodically and taking the suggestions with an open mind and sincerity. The
first chapter exposes the reader to the technique of how to handle people
successfully. It emphasizes that in order to understand people one must regard
the situation from their point of view. Most people have reasons for deciding
what they do. Those who commit crimes and rob stores do not view themselves as
bad people. Gangsters such as Al Capone regarded themselves as unappreciated and
unrecognized public benefactors, not as enemies of the state. People do not
condemn themselves, so why should one condemn others? Lesson one explains to the
reader that one should never criticize, complain, or condemn other people.

Principle two suggests that you give people your sincere and honest
appreciation. A person should not think of his accomplishments or successes, yet
compliment others on theirs. The most important thing one can give another is
his genuine appreciation. "I consider my ability to arouse enthusiasm among
people the greatest asset I possess, and the way to develop the best that is in
a person is by appreciation and encouragement." óCharles Schwab You can
threaten people by force or harsh words, but the only way to get others to do
what you wish is to give them what they want. What do they want? Appreciation.

Principle three in the fundamental techniques of handling people deals with how
to arouse in the other person an eager want. It is easy to tell people your
needs, but no one wants to hear them. People are only interested in their wants
and needs. So, why not try to get what you want by inferring how it would
benefit the other persons involved? A good example of this is fishing. When one
goes fishing, he does not think about what he wants. He thinks about what the
fish wants. One does not bait the hook with Twinkies and candy, he baits it with
worms and asks, "Wouldnít you like to have that?" Again, look at the
situation from the otherís perspective. Part two of the book discusses ways to
get people to like you. The first guideline is to become genuinely interested in
people. People will like you if they feel you admire them. One must instill in
them a sense of fondness. "Did you ever stop to think that a dog is the only
animal that doesnít have to work for a living? A hen has to lay eggs, a cow
has to give milk, and a canary has to sing. But a dog makes his living by giving
you nothing but love." óDale Carnegie This is the reason the dog is manís
best friend. Dogs do not criticize or complain and always greet you with
animation and enthusiasm. Another point is that people are not interested in
you. Do not speak of your accomplishments and your success. They are only
interested in themselves. Get them to talk about themselves and their
achievements. Compliment them on their accomplishments and show them how you
feel by your genuine interest. "You can make more friends in two months by
becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get
other people interested in you." óDale Carnegie Ideal number two deals with
the power of a smile. Actions speak louder than words and a smile says, "I
like you. You make me happy. I am glad to see you." One of the most important
elements in getting people to like you is recognition of their uniqueness. One
can do this using a personís name. A personís name is to that person the
sweetest and most important sound in any language. Remember a personís name,
and you have paid a subtle and very effective compliment. The name sets the
individual apart; it makes him or her unique among all others. Principle four
requires one to have the ability to listen. Listening well to others indicates
your interest. Remember that the people you talk to care only about themselves
one-hundred percent of the time. Your problems are irrelevant to them. Listen
carefully and one will be embraced